Count your toes...

I know it might sound crazy asking

but

do all new mothers 

count their new born babies toes

~

I know I did

after unwrapping them for the fiftieth time

and counting them yet again

(as if while the baby was sleeping some how a toe would disappear)

I would sigh relief

and breath a prayer of gratitude 

that my baby 

was whole

~

its the little things we take for granted in daily life

isn't it

~

So my ten toes of gratitude for today are...

~

I will get to see the grand kids today

I now have a clean and organized closet

I had a good nights sleep

there is plenty of food in the fridge

full tank of gas

I got to meet my brother for dinner last night (I haven't seen him in two years)

I have lost 12 lbs

I have made some new friends through blogging

I have a great book on tape to listen to on my drive

(Black Swan Green)

It's a three day weekend...I don't have to go to work tomorrow

~

These little things tickle me, curve my lips into a smile, 

and make the hard things bearable

~

can you see me doing my little happy dance

~

What ten toes do you have to be grateful for today? 

Perspective...

Sometimes I forget

the BIG picture

~

I forget to think

globally 

or

long term

~

about the consequences of my actions

or more accurately

inaction

Sometimes

I get so down in the weeds
and

so focused on the details
~

you know...the little things

I completely lose perspective that there is a 

larger world our there

with real problems that need real solutions

~

a world 

that require sacrifice, clear thinking, and a commitment

to something more than
my shallow desire for 

My little world to be 

perfect

Because while I complain about not being able to buy 

my own house

along the pristine and beautiful California Coast

~

Little Sophie

is waiting for her first house

~

one made of the five hundred and eighty six mud bricks

that her mother is making 

to protect the family from the harsh and savage African environment

~

no running water

no heat but for a small fire

no bed but for a mat

no bathroom

~

Sometimes I just want to slap the shit out of 

my self absorbed and privileged 

EGO

~

Seriously
how does one justify excess, waste, and arrogant privilege?
~
How does one qualify need vs desire?
~
What can you live without?
and
What can you live WITH?
~
Because I am having a hard time living with myself
knowing that
on a global continuum
I am part of the 1% I am bitching about in my country's tax structure
and that just doesn't seem right
~
Because now I have to take responsibility for being part of the problem

Someday...

 Someday

someone is going to tell her

she is not enough

~

they will tell her she can be 

better

~

if only she

would change her hair color

hide her freckles

shape her eyebrows

lose weight

Someday

they will be told to dress more 

provocative

~

that cute is not enough

and that 

sexy is better

 I'm wondering

how someone would think

this is not perfection

the ability to stare into a camera

unapologetic

playful

uninhibited

The collective she

is trusting us to teach her about 

what

is beautiful

because right now it is her belief that

beauty is in 

movement, laughter, and uncomplicated expression

~

not in

dress size, popularity or fashion labels

My question is

Are we going to let her down?

If I had courage....

This is where I would go and what I would do. Thank God for those who are brave, strong, committed, and unwavering.


http://vimeo.com/bloodbrotherfilm/trailer

Love...

It's Valentine's Day

and as much as I'd like to buy into the whole sappy 

Happy Ever After stuff

(You know what I am talking about)

the couples holiday thing

~

flowers

nice dinner out 

the holiday that is geared for the "other" 1%

~

I just can't help wondering...

~

Can we love those we do not know...

Can we reach out with what we have 

and provide small comfort with just a touch

Can we assume that even vicious species

have moments of profound connection

and that all species love to linger in the arms of a warm embrace

Can I assume that love requires the bigger, older and stronger to 

sometimes 

bend down to the level of the

smaller, younger and weaker to be able to have a complete 

perspective

Is it safe to say

love is more about holding hands on the 'average' days

rather than

than the annual flowers, cards and expectations of the holiday

Isn't love about those seemingly random moments 

when

without planning or fanfare

we completely expose our inner child

and immerse ourselves in unique expressions of joy

together

I'm just wondering

because love doesn't have to be 

so hard, or expensive, or fraught with expectation

It just has to be practiced

Words...



"When I speak of writing, the image that comes first to my mind is not a novel, a poem, or a literary tradition; it is the person who shuts himself up in a room, sits down at a table, and alone, turns inward. Amid his shadows, he builds a new world with words."    -- Orhan Pamuk

The Porches

Today is the first day of and eight week writers journey

you see

during my 'off' hours

I facilitate writing group's

and I have a new group starting

today

~

I am hoping you will stop by my new writing blog  here

and

see what we are up to!

Plans Change...

You know how

sometimes

despite best of intentions

plans change

~ 

I certainly know that

shit happens

and 

I would like to think after this many years on the planet

I would be able to deal with the disappointment

~

But not yesterday

No sir

~

I was pissed off, frustrated and hurt

I stomped my feet like a little girl

and

I slammed around the house

talking to myself having long conversations of what I would 

LIKE to say

I know you have done this too

don't try and tell me you haven't because if you are a woman

it is encoded in your DNA

~

I tried to ignore the problem

but nothing worked

~

I had gotten myself in that awful 

self defeating loop of righteous indignation when one is convinced

they have been wronged

and

I have to say most of the day

sucked

~

Not because of what 'happened'

but because

 I 

made myself miserable rehashing it over and over again

~

But

while I was thrashing around in my misery

I made these

 Collage boxes to ship my little Valentine's treats 

From these shoe boxes

I know

its not anything AMAZING

but

It worked wonders to 

tear to shreds some old magazines I had laying around

and then force myself to do something 

creative 

rather than destructive with my energy

~

then I called a friend and went to the movie

The Vow

that was based on a true love story

~

and since it was based on a true story 

rather than the usual Hollywood fantasy

I walked out believing a little more in faith and fate and 

possibilities

~

I froze the tamale dinner in little lunch size packages

so I don't have to worry about meals for awhile

and 

went to bed reflecting on what really matters

rather than some unrealistic expectations some make believe Disney film

planted in my head when I was a kid

YES!!!..

It's Friday!!!

I am counting down the hours until 

it's the weekend

~

After work

I have a massage scheduled

YES

that's right a two hour massage with 

the best massage therapist

She is worth her weight in gold...SERIOUSLY

~

Then...

Maria is dropping off two dozen of her AMAZING home made 

authentic Mexican tamales

which are to DIE for

and tonight I make from scratch some refried beans 

and

an amazing slaw with cabbage and chillies

for a family meal tomorrow

~

Sunday

I will be pulling together the last details for 

an eight week writing workshop and am so looking forward to being back in

the writing circles again

Nothing like exploring through words the 

inner workings of the soul

~

Yes

life is good

Can you see me doing a little happy dance?

~

What are you doing for the weekend?

The Happiest Place on Earth?

When you open this

I will be stuck in LA traffic 

on my way to

what has been touted as

"The Happiest Place on Earth"

~

This photo reflects how I feel about the whole place

Once a year I go with the grand kids

to Disneyland

~

But it is not my first choice 

in how I spend time with them

nor my second or third

or ninty ninth...

Back in the olden days

It was a magical place

~

It sparked the imagination

and was innovative

~

Now, at least for me

it is just another crowded, expensive theme park

did I say

 EXPENSIVE

~

But I do want to spend some more time

with the boys

~

and it will be just the four of us

not the usual big family crowd with everyone trying to coordinate rides, schedules and needs

then imagine

It's a small world playing in my head for DAYS afterwards

with little dolls dancing the cancan!

~

So much for solitude and simplicity!

It's a good morning...

Sometimes 

I sneak out at dawn

to watch the world awake

~

Only to find

others have beat me to it

~

birds are busy having breakfast

dogs are having their morning jog

~

everyone and everything seems happy

peaceful, content with what the day has to offer

No one is harried, hassled or in a rush

they're not stressing about the stock market, politics, or the economy

~

They are fully engaged with the day's beginning

~

The sun rising and burning the mist

the cool quiet of the sand 

as the sea yawns

and 

 the sky rubs sleep from its eyes

waiting for the sun

to strike a match

to 

ignite the day

The rhythms of nature
soothe me and wrap me in the warmth of knowing
there is more to life
than work

Black or White

How do you look at the world

~

is everything black or white

or

do you delight in the subtle and abstractions diversity presents

I'm just wondering

because

it seems to me a black or white world

although obvious in its contrast

 is fraught with illusions

and 

unless you are willing to be a part of a black or white herd

life will present challenges that demand you 

detach 

 from the herd

and think for yourself using not the imposed filters of popular culture

but rather to act

from your own inner voice

~

The voice that was smacked across the knuckles by good intentioned nuns

or 

the frazzled parent who just wanted to have a well behaved child

or 

the teachers who found it more important to follow the rules of grammar 

rather than encourage 

creativity
~
Live on the WILD SIDE
~
Think outside the stripe! 

Curiosity…Wonder…Delight

The boys were visiting this weekend

and

it was super low tide with the full moon and all

So we went exploring down at Loon Point tide pool

and we were not disappointed

I know this looks like a rock

but it is a rock covered in 'aggregating anemonies'

it was totally covered

so

when you touched it

it would contract

like the rock was breathing

Where's Waldo

These crabs blended in with the rock we almost missed them

can you see three

~ 

not to mention all the other sea life on and around the rock

sponge weed, surf grass, sand castle worms, Keyhole, File AND Volcano Limpets

and Volcano Barnacles

    And this Stripped Shore Crab was

A-D-O-R-A-B-L-E

and had such a personality

I could have watched him all morning!

Eye Candy...

It's Saturday morning

and I'm waiting for 

the farmers market to open...

I love farmers markets

they are a delight to the senses

they have it all

color, texture, smell, 

There is just something 'right' about 

knowing where your food is being grown

like

from my friend Gale

who grows and sells the best tomatoes around

She tends them like they were her children

~

Or to know someone gathered fresh flowers 

just yesterday rather than them being shipped from

hundreds of miles away and was gown by some huge agra farmer

Cupcakes that are gluten free 

and decorated with eatable flower

SERIOUSLY

Fresh baked tarts

just sing of my grandmother's kitchen

my mouth is watering just thinking about it

I could eat salad every day if the greens looked like this

and yes

they were $18.00 

but 

they were HUGE bowls with the lettuce still planted

These little hats

are made from the wool 

that the maker raises on her farm

she makes and dyes the yarn herself

and then knits the hats 

Now THAT is love

and simplicity

Don't these look winter wonderful

and delicious

Mixed with theses

I wouldn't mind taking one of these home too

certified organic : )

And a couple of these with some fresh tomatoes

would make some tasty bruschetta

and how about a riot 

of color

for that empty space on your dresser

Do yourself a favor

live simply, buy locally, and support

sustainability