Birthday # 56

Every year I share my birthday celebration with 

my grandson Kieran.

It is usually a fun filled weekend at the cabin in Truckee

and at least one day at the beach

at Donner Lake.

This year my heart has been broken in a million little pieces

and it has been hard to find joy

when my chest is clogged with sadness and pain.

It makes it hard to breath and swallow.

So it is the little things I am clinging to.

It is in these faces that I find hope.

It is opening up the possibility that

my grandchildren

will have a life

not necessarily free of challenges

but 

a life built upon the critical skills to navigate choices

with clarity and the long term consequences of their actions.

But for now

summers are snow cones and Skittles

and summer days

filled with family and friends

and the biggest decisions are

PB & J or just J

And even though I didn't have the photo card in my camera

while I took careful and plentiful pictures of Kienan's birthday celebration

I did at least figure it out in time to capture some of the lake fun. 

And to remember that for some children

life is a joyful celebration.

Best Friends

You know how there is this debate

about the difference in personalities

between cat and dog owners

~

dog owners prize devotion

cat owners prize independence

~

Isn't this also the debate

in relationships as well

~

Does independence and devotion

have to be mutually exclusive

~

Because if it does

~

I'll choose

independence

EVERY TIME

~

A Mess...

I've been a mess lately

not a cute mess either

not the kind of mess created by 

loving something so much I just can't get enough of it

~

Its been said 

we create our own reality

and from my point of view

there is good and bad in that possibility

~

on the one hand

it speaks of endless possibilities and opportunities

it speaks of personal power 

and the impact of our choices

~

on the other hand

it speaks of frustration and confusion

when

with best intent and hard work

hopes and dreams 

crumble before our eyes

~

It is then

that I must remember the BIGGER picture

the one that is focused on growing the soul not comforting the ego

~ 

so  I shake my head and dust myself off 

and with confident uncertainty

take another step into the unavoidable adventure

to discover who I really am.

Time Flies

Times flies…

On wings and breath and wind

            It lifts and for a time we soar

Time flies…

as we stand mute

hoping it will linger

on exquisite moments of intimacy

as we sniff a baby’s head

embrace a friend

create

a poem, a picture, a sensuous dish.

Time flies…

 Like a humming bird,

a bee

collecting experiences like sweet nectar

only to stall and dive

piercing the depths of our liquid emotions

searching for absolution from

pain, frustration, disappointment, sorrow.

Time flies…

Clipping the very wings with which we soared.

Future, past

Past, future

a beating pulse

 a metronome of

wings to keep us aloft

The present being only the half beat in between.

Time flies...

 in one direction

we cannot

stop it, slow it

or turn it back.

We can only ride its currents.

Summer Solstice

Today is as good as any

to begin again

~
I've been away from blog land
for a couple of months
~
The list of 'whys' are long
and personal
~
But I discovered how much
this photo blog has fed my soul
~
So I am back
and ready to begin again
it just might not be as often
~

I don't know about you

but

I prefer celebrating the pagan holidays 

rather than 

all those Hallmark moments

~

The spring and fall equinox being

my favorite

~

Today's is summer solstice and 

I'm kinda sad

because

it just seems like spring arrived 

and it is already gone.

~

It seems like so much has happened

since I last posted.

~

It seems more like a lifetime 

rather than just a season.

~

It reminds me just how quickly things can

slip away before we notice.

And

to start again

seems almost overwhelming.

~

So 

I will take it slowly

and put my toes back into the water

of blogging again.

~

I feels good to 

be committed again to 

some photos and words and to

look a little more deeply into my days.

~

To tell you the truth

I have missed the connection.

The look...

You know the one

especially if you know the person well

It's the look 

that says a thousand words

the one with expressionless expression

the one that communicates both irritation and longing at the same time

the one that is both private and probing

the one that says without saying

you have just been an ass, or you are making an ass out of yourself 

so just stop

the one that is a warning sign 

stating

~

PRIVATE PROPERTY

and

NO TRESPASSING 

~

It is a statement

not

a request

~

and it is our responsibility

to respect it

especially with children

no matter how cute they are

The road less taken....

I don't know about you

but

the older I get

the easier it becomes to be thrown off balance by

the little things...

It all started when my computer started having 'issues'

then

my camera started having 'issues'

then

my sisters family had some serious 'issues' 

and 

my skydiving plans were canceled on Leap Day because of weather

so

I took a side road

a detour

away from everyone for a bit

just to get grounded

and although I am not all the way up to speed again

it has been good to at least check in with some of my favorite blogs

and 

to finally stop back by my own

Happy Friday everyone!