Win a book!

I wish I had some cool picture of some wonderful art I had created. But alas...I need to read the book first(remember that ugly shoe box I tried to collage)? ...so...in the meantime...check out Susan Tuttle has launched...her work is lovely!

http://susantuttlephotography.com/photo-craft-book-giveaway/

A ghost, though invisible, still is like a place
your sight can knock on, echoing; but here
within this thick black pelt, your strongest gaze
will be absorbed and utterly disappear:

just as a raving madman, when nothing else
can ease him, charges into his dark night
howling, pounds on the padded wall, and feels
the rage being taken in and pacified.

She seems to hide all looks that have ever fallen
into her, so that, like an audience,
she can look them over, menacing and sullen,
and curl to sleep with them. But all at once

as if awakened, she turns her face to yours;
and with a shock, you see yourself, tiny,
inside the golden amber of her eyeballs
suspended, like a prehistoric fly.

~ Rainer Maria Rilke

What haunts you?

Birthday # 56

Every year I share my birthday celebration with 

my grandson Kieran.

It is usually a fun filled weekend at the cabin in Truckee

and at least one day at the beach

at Donner Lake.

This year my heart has been broken in a million little pieces

and it has been hard to find joy

when my chest is clogged with sadness and pain.

It makes it hard to breath and swallow.

So it is the little things I am clinging to.

It is in these faces that I find hope.

It is opening up the possibility that

my grandchildren

will have a life

not necessarily free of challenges

but 

a life built upon the critical skills to navigate choices

with clarity and the long term consequences of their actions.

But for now

summers are snow cones and Skittles

and summer days

filled with family and friends

and the biggest decisions are

PB & J or just J

And even though I didn't have the photo card in my camera

while I took careful and plentiful pictures of Kienan's birthday celebration

I did at least figure it out in time to capture some of the lake fun. 

And to remember that for some children

life is a joyful celebration.

Best Friends

You know how there is this debate

about the difference in personalities

between cat and dog owners

~

dog owners prize devotion

cat owners prize independence

~

Isn't this also the debate

in relationships as well

~

Does independence and devotion

have to be mutually exclusive

~

Because if it does

~

I'll choose

independence

EVERY TIME

~

A Mess...

I've been a mess lately

not a cute mess either

not the kind of mess created by 

loving something so much I just can't get enough of it

~

Its been said 

we create our own reality

and from my point of view

there is good and bad in that possibility

~

on the one hand

it speaks of endless possibilities and opportunities

it speaks of personal power 

and the impact of our choices

~

on the other hand

it speaks of frustration and confusion

when

with best intent and hard work

hopes and dreams 

crumble before our eyes

~

It is then

that I must remember the BIGGER picture

the one that is focused on growing the soul not comforting the ego

~ 

so  I shake my head and dust myself off 

and with confident uncertainty

take another step into the unavoidable adventure

to discover who I really am.

Time Flies

Times flies…

On wings and breath and wind

            It lifts and for a time we soar

Time flies…

as we stand mute

hoping it will linger

on exquisite moments of intimacy

as we sniff a baby’s head

embrace a friend

create

a poem, a picture, a sensuous dish.

Time flies…

 Like a humming bird,

a bee

collecting experiences like sweet nectar

only to stall and dive

piercing the depths of our liquid emotions

searching for absolution from

pain, frustration, disappointment, sorrow.

Time flies…

Clipping the very wings with which we soared.

Future, past

Past, future

a beating pulse

 a metronome of

wings to keep us aloft

The present being only the half beat in between.

Time flies...

 in one direction

we cannot

stop it, slow it

or turn it back.

We can only ride its currents.

Summer Solstice

Today is as good as any

to begin again

~
I've been away from blog land
for a couple of months
~
The list of 'whys' are long
and personal
~
But I discovered how much
this photo blog has fed my soul
~
So I am back
and ready to begin again
it just might not be as often
~

I don't know about you

but

I prefer celebrating the pagan holidays 

rather than 

all those Hallmark moments

~

The spring and fall equinox being

my favorite

~

Today's is summer solstice and 

I'm kinda sad

because

it just seems like spring arrived 

and it is already gone.

~

It seems like so much has happened

since I last posted.

~

It seems more like a lifetime 

rather than just a season.

~

It reminds me just how quickly things can

slip away before we notice.

And

to start again

seems almost overwhelming.

~

So 

I will take it slowly

and put my toes back into the water

of blogging again.

~

I feels good to 

be committed again to 

some photos and words and to

look a little more deeply into my days.

~

To tell you the truth

I have missed the connection.

The look...

You know the one

especially if you know the person well

It's the look 

that says a thousand words

the one with expressionless expression

the one that communicates both irritation and longing at the same time

the one that is both private and probing

the one that says without saying

you have just been an ass, or you are making an ass out of yourself 

so just stop

the one that is a warning sign 

stating

~

PRIVATE PROPERTY

and

NO TRESPASSING 

~

It is a statement

not

a request

~

and it is our responsibility

to respect it

especially with children

no matter how cute they are

The road less taken....

I don't know about you

but

the older I get

the easier it becomes to be thrown off balance by

the little things...

It all started when my computer started having 'issues'

then

my camera started having 'issues'

then

my sisters family had some serious 'issues' 

and 

my skydiving plans were canceled on Leap Day because of weather

so

I took a side road

a detour

away from everyone for a bit

just to get grounded

and although I am not all the way up to speed again

it has been good to at least check in with some of my favorite blogs

and 

to finally stop back by my own

Happy Friday everyone!

Count your toes...

I know it might sound crazy asking

but

do all new mothers 

count their new born babies toes

~

I know I did

after unwrapping them for the fiftieth time

and counting them yet again

(as if while the baby was sleeping some how a toe would disappear)

I would sigh relief

and breath a prayer of gratitude 

that my baby 

was whole

~

its the little things we take for granted in daily life

isn't it

~

So my ten toes of gratitude for today are...

~

I will get to see the grand kids today

I now have a clean and organized closet

I had a good nights sleep

there is plenty of food in the fridge

full tank of gas

I got to meet my brother for dinner last night (I haven't seen him in two years)

I have lost 12 lbs

I have made some new friends through blogging

I have a great book on tape to listen to on my drive

(Black Swan Green)

It's a three day weekend...I don't have to go to work tomorrow

~

These little things tickle me, curve my lips into a smile, 

and make the hard things bearable

~

can you see me doing my little happy dance

~

What ten toes do you have to be grateful for today? 

Perspective...

Sometimes I forget

the BIG picture

~

I forget to think

globally 

or

long term

~

about the consequences of my actions

or more accurately

inaction

Sometimes

I get so down in the weeds
and

so focused on the details
~

you know...the little things

I completely lose perspective that there is a 

larger world our there

with real problems that need real solutions

~

a world 

that require sacrifice, clear thinking, and a commitment

to something more than
my shallow desire for 

My little world to be 

perfect

Because while I complain about not being able to buy 

my own house

along the pristine and beautiful California Coast

~

Little Sophie

is waiting for her first house

~

one made of the five hundred and eighty six mud bricks

that her mother is making 

to protect the family from the harsh and savage African environment

~

no running water

no heat but for a small fire

no bed but for a mat

no bathroom

~

Sometimes I just want to slap the shit out of 

my self absorbed and privileged 

EGO

~

Seriously
how does one justify excess, waste, and arrogant privilege?
~
How does one qualify need vs desire?
~
What can you live without?
and
What can you live WITH?
~
Because I am having a hard time living with myself
knowing that
on a global continuum
I am part of the 1% I am bitching about in my country's tax structure
and that just doesn't seem right
~
Because now I have to take responsibility for being part of the problem

Someday...

 Someday

someone is going to tell her

she is not enough

~

they will tell her she can be 

better

~

if only she

would change her hair color

hide her freckles

shape her eyebrows

lose weight

Someday

they will be told to dress more 

provocative

~

that cute is not enough

and that 

sexy is better

 I'm wondering

how someone would think

this is not perfection

the ability to stare into a camera

unapologetic

playful

uninhibited

The collective she

is trusting us to teach her about 

what

is beautiful

because right now it is her belief that

beauty is in 

movement, laughter, and uncomplicated expression

~

not in

dress size, popularity or fashion labels

My question is

Are we going to let her down?

If I had courage....

This is where I would go and what I would do. Thank God for those who are brave, strong, committed, and unwavering.


http://vimeo.com/bloodbrotherfilm/trailer

Love...

It's Valentine's Day

and as much as I'd like to buy into the whole sappy 

Happy Ever After stuff

(You know what I am talking about)

the couples holiday thing

~

flowers

nice dinner out 

the holiday that is geared for the "other" 1%

~

I just can't help wondering...

~

Can we love those we do not know...

Can we reach out with what we have 

and provide small comfort with just a touch

Can we assume that even vicious species

have moments of profound connection

and that all species love to linger in the arms of a warm embrace

Can I assume that love requires the bigger, older and stronger to 

sometimes 

bend down to the level of the

smaller, younger and weaker to be able to have a complete 

perspective

Is it safe to say

love is more about holding hands on the 'average' days

rather than

than the annual flowers, cards and expectations of the holiday

Isn't love about those seemingly random moments 

when

without planning or fanfare

we completely expose our inner child

and immerse ourselves in unique expressions of joy

together

I'm just wondering

because love doesn't have to be 

so hard, or expensive, or fraught with expectation

It just has to be practiced

Words...



"When I speak of writing, the image that comes first to my mind is not a novel, a poem, or a literary tradition; it is the person who shuts himself up in a room, sits down at a table, and alone, turns inward. Amid his shadows, he builds a new world with words."    -- Orhan Pamuk

The Porches

Today is the first day of and eight week writers journey

you see

during my 'off' hours

I facilitate writing group's

and I have a new group starting

today

~

I am hoping you will stop by my new writing blog  here

and

see what we are up to!

Plans Change...

You know how

sometimes

despite best of intentions

plans change

~ 

I certainly know that

shit happens

and 

I would like to think after this many years on the planet

I would be able to deal with the disappointment

~

But not yesterday

No sir

~

I was pissed off, frustrated and hurt

I stomped my feet like a little girl

and

I slammed around the house

talking to myself having long conversations of what I would 

LIKE to say

I know you have done this too

don't try and tell me you haven't because if you are a woman

it is encoded in your DNA

~

I tried to ignore the problem

but nothing worked

~

I had gotten myself in that awful 

self defeating loop of righteous indignation when one is convinced

they have been wronged

and

I have to say most of the day

sucked

~

Not because of what 'happened'

but because

 I 

made myself miserable rehashing it over and over again

~

But

while I was thrashing around in my misery

I made these

 Collage boxes to ship my little Valentine's treats 

From these shoe boxes

I know

its not anything AMAZING

but

It worked wonders to 

tear to shreds some old magazines I had laying around

and then force myself to do something 

creative 

rather than destructive with my energy

~

then I called a friend and went to the movie

The Vow

that was based on a true love story

~

and since it was based on a true story 

rather than the usual Hollywood fantasy

I walked out believing a little more in faith and fate and 

possibilities

~

I froze the tamale dinner in little lunch size packages

so I don't have to worry about meals for awhile

and 

went to bed reflecting on what really matters

rather than some unrealistic expectations some make believe Disney film

planted in my head when I was a kid

YES!!!..

It's Friday!!!

I am counting down the hours until 

it's the weekend

~

After work

I have a massage scheduled

YES

that's right a two hour massage with 

the best massage therapist

She is worth her weight in gold...SERIOUSLY

~

Then...

Maria is dropping off two dozen of her AMAZING home made 

authentic Mexican tamales

which are to DIE for

and tonight I make from scratch some refried beans 

and

an amazing slaw with cabbage and chillies

for a family meal tomorrow

~

Sunday

I will be pulling together the last details for 

an eight week writing workshop and am so looking forward to being back in

the writing circles again

Nothing like exploring through words the 

inner workings of the soul

~

Yes

life is good

Can you see me doing a little happy dance?

~

What are you doing for the weekend?

The Happiest Place on Earth?

When you open this

I will be stuck in LA traffic 

on my way to

what has been touted as

"The Happiest Place on Earth"

~

This photo reflects how I feel about the whole place

Once a year I go with the grand kids

to Disneyland

~

But it is not my first choice 

in how I spend time with them

nor my second or third

or ninty ninth...

Back in the olden days

It was a magical place

~

It sparked the imagination

and was innovative

~

Now, at least for me

it is just another crowded, expensive theme park

did I say

 EXPENSIVE

~

But I do want to spend some more time

with the boys

~

and it will be just the four of us

not the usual big family crowd with everyone trying to coordinate rides, schedules and needs

then imagine

It's a small world playing in my head for DAYS afterwards

with little dolls dancing the cancan!

~

So much for solitude and simplicity!

It's a good morning...

Sometimes 

I sneak out at dawn

to watch the world awake

~

Only to find

others have beat me to it

~

birds are busy having breakfast

dogs are having their morning jog

~

everyone and everything seems happy

peaceful, content with what the day has to offer

No one is harried, hassled or in a rush

they're not stressing about the stock market, politics, or the economy

~

They are fully engaged with the day's beginning

~

The sun rising and burning the mist

the cool quiet of the sand 

as the sea yawns

and 

 the sky rubs sleep from its eyes

waiting for the sun

to strike a match

to 

ignite the day

The rhythms of nature
soothe me and wrap me in the warmth of knowing
there is more to life
than work

Black or White

How do you look at the world

~

is everything black or white

or

do you delight in the subtle and abstractions diversity presents

I'm just wondering

because

it seems to me a black or white world

although obvious in its contrast

 is fraught with illusions

and 

unless you are willing to be a part of a black or white herd

life will present challenges that demand you 

detach 

 from the herd

and think for yourself using not the imposed filters of popular culture

but rather to act

from your own inner voice

~

The voice that was smacked across the knuckles by good intentioned nuns

or 

the frazzled parent who just wanted to have a well behaved child

or 

the teachers who found it more important to follow the rules of grammar 

rather than encourage 

creativity
~
Live on the WILD SIDE
~
Think outside the stripe!